“Good things come to those who believe, better things come to those who are patient and the best things come to those who don’t give up.”
If I have learned anything throughout this journey, it is to be patient. Though patience has never proven to be my particular virtue, I think that I have learned to practice it quite well given my circumstances.
Any person going through any kind of difficult battle might find it easiest to give up before they find the light at the end of the tunnel. I often write about how much easier it would be to hide in my room until my surgery date for my jpouch comes around. What I can tell you is that though it might be easy, it wouldn’t be smart or set a good example for the people that I am trying everyday to support and help.
This past weekend I found myself in a particularly frustrated mood. I had to work a long bridal show on Sunday and wasn’t looking forward to it, so I was letting everything bother me. When I am in these moods, I find every excuse in the book to feel sorry for myself. I catch myself thinking, “when is it going to be my turn for a break?” And the ever so famous, “why is this happening to me?” When the fact of the matter is there is no why. I just remember telling someone the other day that I have always tried my hardest not to think, “why,” but to think, “how?” How can I take this awful nightmare of a situation and spin it into something so positive that even Mother Theresa would be proud?
I have always found it really helpful to try and reach out to others who are going through similar situations. That has helped me find projects and people to talk with that has in turn made the time go by really fast. I cannot believe that it is already November. When I went for my 6 week check up after my first surgery I asked my surgeon if I could have surgery November 1st. Which is a perfect example of my impatience and I’m sure as my boyfriend and parents would tell you, brattiness. He replied quickly without giving it much thought, “sure.” “Mwahaha,” I thought, I finally got my way this time.
After much discussion and argument in the check-up room between myself, my parents and my nurse, sitting here now I am quite glad that everyone stopped me from having surgery TOMORROW! I in now way would be ready, at all. Before my last operation I had NO time to prepare, to feel good, to enjoy my family and friends before I underwent a major operation. I was way too sick to. Now, I feel amazing and I can feel the impending operation sneaking up on me quicker and quicker as the weather grows colder.
As the last of the “buffer” months (August, September, October) ends, and the month before my surgery begins, I know for sure I want to spend it as actively as possible. I want to run every day, eat all of my favorite foods, shop, write, enjoy Thanksgiving (considering last year I couldn’t eat ANYTHING), spend time with my best friends and do everything I can to prepare to feel not so great again (as my nurse so kindly told me to prepare myself for). I have been telling my boss and my family that I am going to get a manicure, pedicure, eyebrow wax, facial, and a massage. Not to be vein, but only because I know from experience and after many hospital stays, I will be trying to leave this one feeling as fresh as possible. It can only make me feel better.
Underneath all of the fear and all of the effort I have put into not giving up while waiting for my second surgery, is excitement. Honestly, I cannot wait to head back up to the colorectal floor of the Cleveland Clinic and start another new chapter. After all, the worse is over. I’m not sick anymore and this is just one more bump in my road on the way to full recovery. What is important to always remember, regardless of your situation, is to never give up. There are people who love you who are counting on you to be strong. So if you cannot be strong for yourself, do it for the people who you can always count on being strong for you.