My next surgery has officially been scheduled. Woohoooo. I’m sure others that are experiencing the series of surgeries required after having your colon removed also realize that surgery days aren’t scary, they are celebratory. One of my nurses after my first surgery described “take down” days, the final surgery, as extremely happy days at the clinic. I cannot wait for mine.
I love my surgeon now and I certainly could not have said the same 6 weeks ago. My incisions are nearly invisible and he was more than happy to schedule my second surgery when I wanted.
Until then, life with my ostomy gets better and more manageable everyday. Especially since I don’t have to run to the bathroom every 10 seconds. Getting dressed is still very frustrating and all I can help but think is how easy getting dressed used to be for me. Truly, I don’t even think its the outline of my ostomy that frustrates me anymore, but the steroid swelling that has been on my body for months now. The last super blast in the hospital during my surgery did not help. After the 40 mg I was on plus the TPN that I had flowing through my body every night for a month, I didn’t think I could get any more bloated. Psh, was I wrong.
It’s pretty frustrating when your favorite jeans don’t fit because of swelling, or you can’t wear that new crop top because your ostomy will show. Most of it comes with the stigmas I still carry about life with ostomies, but a lot of it comes from my own insecurities about the way I look to others. If anything this surgery should have taught me to not care what others think, but it’s more than difficult to get off that thought process.
Reading and hearing about others that are going through the same as me helps a lot. When I was suffering with UC I felt really alone a lot of the time. UC is such an unheard of disease. When people have IBD many don’t speak of it, because no one wants to talk about their bathroom habits. But so much more comes with running to the bathroom that many don’t realize. These diseases are thieves and bullies. Anyone who decides to have surgery or overcomes their disease with the horrible drugs required are heroes. It’s difficult sitting back knowing that I have 2 more surgeries to go before I can walk around wearing whatever I want. I find such a sense of pride when I can talk to others that are struggling and help them get through it. Before my surgery I asked everyday when it would be over, because you really never know when medical treatments begin to fail you. Never in my 2 years of suffering did I think that a total colectomy would be my saving grace.