confidence.

I'll be back to this soon enough!

I’ll be back to this soon enough!

I’m getting so antsy to get back to life!  Now that I am feeling about 100 times better than what I was only 2 weeks ago, I cannot wait to resume my somewhat normal life back in Columbus.  I am feeling so excited to start a new journey with a new profession as well, it’s going to be so much fun!  I just want this time to pass fast, all I can seem to think about is having my normal stomach back.  I miss being able to wear cute tanks and walking out of the house without even thinking if someone is staring, but I suppose that’s going to be a stigma that I’m going to have to get over.  Everyone in my family keeps trying to remind me that no one is staring and that you can barely see my ostomy anyways, but I still am taking about 20 extra minutes to get ready, changing and throwing clothes all over my room in frustration.

I so admire the girls in the blogs that I have read that are just posting pictures with their ostomies hanging out in the open!  I hope I can get to that level of confidence throughout the next few months.  I can’t wait to get back in the gym and make my body as healthy as possible for the next few surgeries.  I was on another  girl’s blog who had the 3 step surgery as well and couldn’t have normal j-pouch construction because of weight gain.  She was also very negative, kind of scaring me with her angry words and disappointment in her surgeon.  I look at negativity like that and think, how did she even make it through?  She did finally have the j-pouch put in, after 4 surgeries!  I cannot even imagine.  It’s going to be so important to me to take good care of my body over the next 4 months until my second surgery comes.  I want this process to go as quickly as possible!

I look to pinterest a lot for all sorts of ideas.  I was on pinterest again last night, looking at all of the posts about ostomies and it made me feel a lot better.  There are so many girls just like me that are going through the same struggle.  Plus, there are so many posts about helpful fashion hints 🙂  All of the covers (which I probably won’t use) and bathing suits, there are so many options for people that are fighting this battle.  I love feeling not so alone.  I find a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not the only girl going through this.

My sister was just recently in put in bay and said she saw a boy with his bag just hanging out of his swimsuit!  I can bet this process is so much easier for boys, as they don’t have as much pressure to be sexy as girls.   I keep reminding myself that it’s only been about a week since my first surgery and I need to let my body deflate and heal.  As soon as my swelling goes down I’m sure clothes will be easier to wear and I’ll be able to look in the mirror without cringing a little.  One day at a time, one day at a time.

Advertisements

One thought on “confidence.

  1. SO proud of you, Brooke. Your blog posts are so inspiring and I am so so so thankful that you are feeling better. I cannot wait for you to be back in Columbus. We need a girls night of mani/pedis 🙂

    Love you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s